Funky To Fabulous: How To Stop Self Sabotage

Clara grabbed me at a conference last week in San Diego, her eyes glassy with panic. The story she told me sums up the "Anatomy of Self Sabotage."

Here's how it works:

Step One: The Improbable Dream Syndrome. Clara heard the buzz about someone from her college class. The news was that a woman had started an Internet company- banked 3.4 million dollars, gotten married, pregnant and started a non-profit for at risk teens in just five years. Clara had compared herself to that classmate and come out on the losing end. She assigned herself an Improbable Task: "I can start a new business and be profitable- fast! I will make eight hours of sales calls every day."

Step Two: The "I Suck At This" Syndrome. When you decree overbearing expectations, you are setting the stage for yourself to fail. It takes time to learn new skills and develop new habits, yet many of us demand instant results.

Clara had been in IT for twelve years. Even though she had never made a sales call in her life, her plan was to sell a certain quantity of her proprietary software each week. "Sure, I don't have training in sales- but how tough can it be?" she thought. She began her sales calls Christmas week and was deeply disappointed that in three weeks she had not made any sales. The Criticism Committee in Clara's head had grabbed the microphone and shouted, "I can't, I suck, and I might as well give up." That negative mindset made it impossible for her to pick up the phone and call any other prospects.

Step Three: The "Oh, Screw It" Syndrome. "Why bother? I can't sell anything. I might as well give up and go and try and find a job." Instead of doing sales calls she was on Facebook for much of the day. It may sound a bit silly that a person would give up their dream of owning their own business after just one month, but it is not that uncommon.

***Ask Eli a question at info@elidavidson.com or go to www.elidavidson.com to tell Eli how you have overcome self sabotage.

Eli Davidson is a nationally recognized woman's executive coach and motivational speaker.

Her book, Funky to Fabulous: Surefire Success Stories for The Savvy, Sassy and Swamped, (Oak Grove Publishing) has won three national book awards.

Who's Responsible For This Mess?

The challenges of our current economy has many Americans thinking of themselves as victims.



That mindset is both disempowering and bad for your health. Fernando Gonzolez, Ph.D., a nationally recognized neuropsychcologist ,states "The number one cause of stress is feeling out of control." Recent studies at the University of Kentucky show that stress may make the brain more quickly. Numerous other research shows that stress weakens the immune system, increases blood pressure and creates sleep disorder.



As soon as you take responsibility you reclaim your control over the situation.



Thank you for reminding us that we create, promote and allow everything in our lives!
About Happiness
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Funky To Fabulous: Volunteering For Virgins -- A First-Timers Guide To Giving

Dearest Judith,

Oh yes!! In the words of Harry Met Sally......"Yes!! Yes!! YES!!!!"



I am thinking of your wonderful day with TEAM and how alluring the glow of doing good really is. The Helper's High is one of the best feelings around. Being part of group engaged in serving never fails to open my heart. We form a bond that blesses us all.



You are a continual blessing to our world. Thank you!

Eli
About Health
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Funky To Fabulous: Volunteering For Virgins -- A First-Timers Guide To Giving

Dear Ed,

Thank you so very much! Your generosity of Spirit always touches my Soul. Being on the road at a conference I am finding your wonderful suggestion of smiling so useful. Just like the rest of us, the attendees (attorneys ) are lifted by this simple act of service. Mamma mia, what a blessing for us all to take the attention off ourselves and contribute to other.s



You contribute to my well being every week!



In gratitude,

Eli
About Health
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Funky To Fabulous: Volunteering For Virgins -- A First-Timers Guide To Giving

Do you have a pal that pooh-poohs the concept of volunteering?

Here are some reasons to discover the luscious experience of serving your fellow humans.

Rx for Better Health

Who knew that volunteering is good for you? Science is beginning to discover that there are concrete physical, and emotional benefits to giving to others. Perhaps, you have a vague notion that volunteering is "good for the soul" but have little, if any, concrete evidence that philanthropy could be good for your health.

In More Give to Live, Douglas Lawson cites research that shows how helping others lead to enhanced health and emotional well-being. Numerous studies report that those involved in ongoing volunteer programs have an enhanced immune system, improved cardiovascular circulation as well as better sleep patterns. Emotionally those involved in philanthropic work a better sense of control over one's life and circumstances, increased ability to cope with crisis as well as stronger feelings of personal satisfaction, compassion and empathy.

The Helper's High

If you did service on the National Day of service you may have just had a brush with 'Helper's High' yourself. If you were like me you felt a great rush of feeling good from doing good. If not you may have felt this phenomenon another time. How do you feel when you finish a long run or a tough workout? Until the pain sinks in you probably feel fantastic. Strenuous exercise releases endorphins. That release creates an elated feeling known as the runners high. Have you ever left a day of working with your favorite good cause with more energy than you began with? That could be due to a similar endorphin response. A charity in New York City recently conducted a survey of 3,300 volunteers. Many experienced feelings of euphoria while being involved in their service project. The volunteers compared the experience to the runner's high - when a person runs and exerts, but instead of feeling more stressed, one feels more relaxed and joyous.

Anti-Aging Too!

Sure, giving makes you feel better. It may be a key factor in living longer as well. Dr. Stephanie Brown and her colleagues at the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan conducted an important study recently. Dr. Brown and her team tracked 423 older couples over a 5-year period. The people who reported giving no support to others were more than twice as likely to die during the five years of the study as those who helped others. The simple act of giving to neighbors, a spouse, relative or friends gave people a 50% better chance of living longer. Her study gives clear evidence that giving is good for your health.

How has serving impacted you? Please let me know!
***

Ask Eli a question at info@elidavidson.com or go to http://www.elidavidson.com/ to tell me your experience with volunteering.

Eli Davidson is a nationally recognized executive coach and motivationalspeaker.

Her book, "Funky to Fabulous: Surefire Success Stories for The Savvy, Sassyand Swamped", (Oak Grove Publishing) has won three national book awards.
Health

Is It Time To Have More of What You Want?

Here is what Kate found in her 10 sessions of coaching:

-- Thanks to Eli's coaching program, I've been able bring greater balance to my life. By hiring the help I need with both my family and my business -- I've been more successful and happier than every before. If you're striving for a truly Happy New Year -- sign up for coaching with Eli TODAY!.
Kate F., President Marketing Strategy Firm

Another testimonial

So, "THANKS ELI. I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EXPRESSED AND TAUGHT".

I wanted to let you know what has been going. Over New Year's I really focused and worked on my business while I was visiting my parents. It is not completely done, but you can look at it if you want by going to "Amazingteamadventures.com". I want my first race to be a Valentine's Day Race.

I called the hotel I will be using, to establish a contact person and find out about group rates for Valentine's Day. I was also going to ask her about being affiliated with my company (if I list her on my website, could she promote my company). Before I even got the chance to ask, the woman remembered me from awhile back and asked if I wanted to partner with them. She said my timing was great because she is having a group of their best clients coming into town in two weeks. She wanted to know if I would put together a 2 hour race for them on Friday afternoon. It is kind of scary (since it's coming up so soon and I want it to work out very well), but also very exciting. Now I need to work on a price for her and see how that goes.

I have also been thinking that I need some extra help with my business. When I went in to see my lawyer (who's doing my LLC), he said that if I needed extra help, his daughter might be interested. She just graduated from college and is starting an internship in San Francisco with an Event Planner. She happened to be visiting her dad in the office when I was there, so he introduced us. She seems like she might be great to work with. We'll see . . . .

Lastly, over the Christmas break my ex-husband took my son skiing. While they were gone I ended up spending time with his girlfriend and her daughter (it was chaotic to say the least). The point is that I have a different attitude than I did previously. I never would have been able to spend time with this person before now. The situation has not changed, but my attitude has.

Everytime I even start to think negatively or stress at all (about finances or taking on this whole new business and everything it entails) I completely tune it out. I remind myself to take it one step at a time, and that I CAN do it. Even if I don't do something perfectly, I will learn and continue to grow from the experience and it won't be the end of the world! I have you and your book to thank for that!!! So, "THANKS ELI. I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EXPRESSED AND TAUGHT".
If we can FOCUS and THINK POSITIVELY we can accomplish so much!

What Buddha Might Say To George Bush (And Us)

Amen!



What a masterful post. It takes great courage to find the good in a leader that is so easily dismissed. In sharing the comment of his press secretary you opened the window to his humanity "Find a way to forgive, because that's the way to lead your life," White House press secretary Dana Perino remembers Bush advising her." reminds me that each of us carries the spark of the divine and can let it glow at any time.



Thank you for sharing the blessing of your work!

Eli Davidson
About Happiness
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost