I just got off the phone with a very large government agency who wants my training help their managers to be better leaders. Here are tools to use whether you are leading a team of 1,000 or just trying to have a better relationship with your 11 year old.
Don't Let The Words Distract You
Studies show that less than half of what is communicated through words. Listening to HOW someone says something is far more important than WHAT they say. Listen for infections, signs and coughs. These are unconscious body signals that 'highlight' a statement. They tell you that what was just said was important. for example If someone says, "I love working on that project." and then coughs or sighs it is likely that there is a part of them that doesn’t believe the statement.
Don't Skip The End
Pay particular attention to what someone says at the end of a sentence. "I'd like to do that but I don't know how." Often people have a preamble of what they think the listener would like you hear. Many state the most honest part of a statement at the end of a sentence.
Ask Is Not A Four Letter Word
Just because you speak the same language…don't think you understand another. The message sent is often not the message delivered.
Masterful listeners ask, ask, ask. Any masterful sales executive knows that the person asking the questions is the person in control of the conversation. One of the easiest ways to become an expert listener is to check to make sure that your perception of what was said was what the speaker meant.
Should, Can't, Have To, But…Crystal Ball.
Each one of these words conveys a judgment. Watch the statement that follows Should, Can't, Have To, But. The listener is telling you that they really don't want to do what they are saying. Watch these words closely and folks in your office will think you are plugged into the psychic hot line.
Yes, No…No Way
If you are asking a yes, no question you are not giving your listener the room to really communicate with depth. Power up your listening power with more open ended questions. (Questions that require something other than a yes or no answer.)
Don't Throw A Brick In The Salad...
Interrupting a speaker is a key signpost of lousey listening. When you listen wait at least 4 seconds after the person finishes speaking before you respond. This will help train you not to interrupt. Not interrupting a man is even more important because men are more linear than women. Here's an easy visual for gender communication styles. Do not interrupt a man laying bricks.
Man Speak = Laying Bricks
Woman Speak = Tossing Salad
Don't Listen With Your Ears.
The University of Santa Monica teaches a revolutionary program of Spiritual Psychology. One of the skills they teach is Heart Centered Listening. Imagine that your heart had ears. If you listen with your heart you will hear the depth of the message any person is trying to convey.
Showing posts with label Law of attraction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Law of attraction. Show all posts
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Men and Women as Equals: Funky or Fabulous?
Cristina Anderson is a recognized world leader in educating women in creating more positive results. As a professional in Finland, she sees the world from the vantage point of men and women being very equal in the workplace. Here is an excerpt from one of her recent articles.
"Law of attraction is a very popular term nowadays when the movie “The Secret” is conquering the world with it’s message of hope and positive thinking. Attraction is, to my understanding, a female force. Women are not by nature used to push things forward but rather to use different means to attract things to happen. For example when we communicate we don’t go straight forward saying: “I want a cup of coffee” but rather “Oh, how tired I am, I could really use a cup of coffee” or “what a nice coffee shop there is….”. In order to achieve higher positions in the organization women are taught to become more straightforward in their communication, they are taught to say “bring me a cup of coffee, please”. This kind of communication is of course timesaving and efficient, that by the way everyone must be able to use in situations of emergency, but the price is that the woman loses her natural female attractiveness and gains the attraction of power instead, and eventually become one of the guys.
Law of gravity might be used as a metaphor for male leadership. Men tend to send things forward with such kick and force that the one selected target is reached without deviations and attuning operations. The people around are seen more as pawns that can be ordered and moved in the “name of the task” than individuals that could be attracted to participate an inspirational challenge. Offering a big sum of money and bonuses is a male way to gain commitment when on the other hand offering initial participation, inspiration, growth and learning is a female way to attain commitment.
Unfortunately when the number of female leaders increase in the companies the systems are not developed to support, empower and promote female leadership. The systems remain “male” and women have learned that the true appreciation and acceptance comes from reconciling oneself into the “male” system. Therefore the real change for female values, we might call those values here as “soft human values” do not take place in the companies. I worked as a business consultant for a decade and saw many ‘womanly women’ give up their womanliness and become one of the guys, for the sake of survival and success in the company. The question is: “does this kind of mental castration bring true happiness and fullness of life and does it really create better workplaces and more successful companies?”
One more question: “If we are to learn tolerance and true appreciation of diversity, are we really doing it by making everybody to fit the system? Are we really incapable of creating systems that allow people be themselves and give their best talent, true self-expression and natural creative force to serve the common good?”
About the writer:
Cristina Andersson from Helsinki is the author of the “Winning Helix – the art of learning and manifesting your true potential”. She is an educationalist, who has taught in several business schools and in the University of Helsinki and consulted several companies on strategic learning issues. She lectures about winning, learning and action-learning processes. She is also a motivational speaker and an inspiring soprano singer.
"Law of attraction is a very popular term nowadays when the movie “The Secret” is conquering the world with it’s message of hope and positive thinking. Attraction is, to my understanding, a female force. Women are not by nature used to push things forward but rather to use different means to attract things to happen. For example when we communicate we don’t go straight forward saying: “I want a cup of coffee” but rather “Oh, how tired I am, I could really use a cup of coffee” or “what a nice coffee shop there is….”. In order to achieve higher positions in the organization women are taught to become more straightforward in their communication, they are taught to say “bring me a cup of coffee, please”. This kind of communication is of course timesaving and efficient, that by the way everyone must be able to use in situations of emergency, but the price is that the woman loses her natural female attractiveness and gains the attraction of power instead, and eventually become one of the guys.
Law of gravity might be used as a metaphor for male leadership. Men tend to send things forward with such kick and force that the one selected target is reached without deviations and attuning operations. The people around are seen more as pawns that can be ordered and moved in the “name of the task” than individuals that could be attracted to participate an inspirational challenge. Offering a big sum of money and bonuses is a male way to gain commitment when on the other hand offering initial participation, inspiration, growth and learning is a female way to attain commitment.
Unfortunately when the number of female leaders increase in the companies the systems are not developed to support, empower and promote female leadership. The systems remain “male” and women have learned that the true appreciation and acceptance comes from reconciling oneself into the “male” system. Therefore the real change for female values, we might call those values here as “soft human values” do not take place in the companies. I worked as a business consultant for a decade and saw many ‘womanly women’ give up their womanliness and become one of the guys, for the sake of survival and success in the company. The question is: “does this kind of mental castration bring true happiness and fullness of life and does it really create better workplaces and more successful companies?”
One more question: “If we are to learn tolerance and true appreciation of diversity, are we really doing it by making everybody to fit the system? Are we really incapable of creating systems that allow people be themselves and give their best talent, true self-expression and natural creative force to serve the common good?”
About the writer:
Cristina Andersson from Helsinki is the author of the “Winning Helix – the art of learning and manifesting your true potential”. She is an educationalist, who has taught in several business schools and in the University of Helsinki and consulted several companies on strategic learning issues. She lectures about winning, learning and action-learning processes. She is also a motivational speaker and an inspiring soprano singer.
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