Sunday, July 12, 2009
There are stories about Jackson feeling so ugly as a child that he wanted to wear a mask on stage, and numerous accounts of his father taunting him and calling him "Fat Nose." In her wonderful post, Judith Rich exposed Michael Jackson's pain: "Michael Jackson: It Hurts To Be Me." Like the rest of us, he used a complex array of destructive behaviors to dull his inner aching. As a symbol of Americans' distaste for their appearances, he expressed his internal pain through war with his body. (Researcher J.J. Brumberg found that 53% of 13-year-old girls were dissatisfied with their appearance. That figure jumps to 73% for 17-year-olds. Instead of dealing with his internal demons, he focused on fixing his outsides.
Jackson had the funds to 'fix his face.' Here is Michael's face morphing. Reports say that he had so many nose jobs that his surgeons dared not risk another one. His surgeon stated that he began to fake surgeries, persuading Jackson that they had done further surgery when they had not. This need to fix his outsides was a call for the longing to heal his insides.
Like most Americans, Jackson was under the persistent pressure to perform. I see my own crazy schedule and realize that I often put my work before my own nurturing. What about you? Michael Jackson had stadiums of adoring fans screaming his name. It appears that external adoration couldn't heal the desperate pain he felt inside. As I look at myself, I see that I have judged a sudden eruption of fat around my stomach. Since it is bikini season, I am constantly aware of this unwelcome addition to my body.
Could I accept myself more? How about you?