I'm a first time reader of your post, so naturally I had to go back and read your post on Jamie. She sounds like an amazing young woman. I'm sorry the world has lost her.
As for your bacon test: I'm OK on most of them, but used to have trouble wanting to be in control. But, when my youngest daughter was 15, she had a brain tumor that knocked us all for a loop. For many months, she was practically totally dependent on me. Two years, three brain surgeries, a stroke, rehab, and a whole lot of seizures later, she was preparing to go to college. I tried to get her to stay at home and go to a community college for awhile--let Mom take care of her a little longer. But, I was butting heads with someone even more stubborn than I. She said, "This isn't the life I had planned, but if this is the life I get, I am going to do it as well as I can. So off she went. She even studied in Europe for a semester. And though she still had occasional seizures, and often had (has) pain, she took control of her life and I had to let go. It was very traumatic for me. I think it was almost as hard to let go as it was to watch her suffer for those two horrible years.
She became a social worker, a foster mother, a wife, and now she and her husband are adopting a gorgeous, baby girl. And I am managing to NOT channel my mother and try to tell her how to raise her--unless I am asked. Then, of course, I am quite happy to put in my two cents.
I am so deeply, deeply moved by your story. The way you and your daughter have stood up embraced your life is such a story of hope and inspiration. Your heartfelt sharing is something that is so important for other reader.
"This isn't the life I had planned, but if this is the life I get, I am going to do it as well as I can."
Those are words of wisdom for us all.
Thank you! I hope that you will share your insights more often and visit me here and at the Huffington Post.