Eli Davidson on the Finding Magic In Midlife Show.

As a Life Coach I interview a lot about my "Turnaround Techniques" and I wanted to share this interview with everyone. I think you will find it fascinating and a great reminder of how you can easily focus on what you want and go from "Funky To Fabulous"!

I was interviewed by cohosts Kat Tansey & Nancy Marriott on the Finding Magic In Midlife show.

The Challenges Of People Pleasers

I see the challenges that trying to please people bring in my life coaching practice. Any time you try to make the opinion of others (add your personal favorite here) or stuff outside you (add your personal favorite here) responsible for your feelings of happiness, you get stuck.

When you blame other folks for those crappy feelings (like say... fear, loneliness, anger, hurt, hopelessness--add your personal favorite here), you get stuck. Why? As great as that approval seems in the moment, it can never fill you up. Darn. I wish it could. I have sought it for so many years.

And if you try to squeeze your self worth out of other people that means you have to control them so they will give you what you want. The big problem is that you can't ever really control anybody. They now have the power to control you. So you never get the juicy authenticity of what you want. Darn, I wish you could. But you can't. So you end up feeling abused and disappointed instead of content. The only way to really fill up is to do it from the inside.

Are You A People Pleaser? Take The Quiz!

Maybe there is something in the Kansas water that is the love potion of mixed marriages. Like Barack Obama, I am a half-breed. Growing up as a Quew (Quaker-Jew) on a gravel road in Bucyrus, Kansas was not easy. Mom was Quaker and my Dad was Jewish. Neither religion claimed me. Maybe that's why they chose our 80-acre "Green Acres With Kids" existence. Neither parent was a farmer -- so we faked it.

I went to a prep school in Kansas City where waitresses served us lunch and spent weekends on the farm with kids that ate fried squirrel. (I am not kidding... fried squirrel.) My youth was spent polishing my chameleon act as I shuttled between two different worlds with completely different values. I learned to take my cues from those around me instead of speaking up. Fitting in seemed more important than being the crazy patchwork quilt that was authentically me.

What about you?

The People Pleaser Quiz

Is it hard for you to set and keep healthy boundaries?
Do you think that you will be abandoned or punished if you do or say the wrong thing?
Do you tolerate behaviors that don't work for you to 'keep the peace' or get ahead?
Do you say yes when you want to say no?
Do you do things you regret later, so someone will have a better opinion of you?

If you answered yes to more than 1 of these questions you are a People Pleaser. Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eli-davidson/are-you-a-people-pleaser_b_125445.html

Fabulous Rescources

As a coach, I am seeing more people want to use their time more effectively.

Batch Book.com I love, love, love this contact management system. It is so easy to use that it makes a person want to pick up the phone and do some 'gold calling'!

OneBox: This is a really cool tool you can use to make your company look bigger than it really is. When your customers call you, Onebox has a personalized automated system that makes it sound like your office is in an executive Suite, not the corner of your laundry room. (At $45 a month it is a steal.)

Google Voice: Another great phone system, you get a office number from Google, and they forward it to any number you like. You could be at the park with your kids, and your clients will think your working hard in your office. Best thing about Google Voice is that it’s free.

Skype: I love speaking to freinds and family in Europe on this.
Great for video conferencing with your international or out of state clients.

More "Staycation Tips"

Here are a few more tips to go from Vacation to "Staycation"!

-The 12 Steps

Even when on holiday many Americans only take a 'semi vacation". They lug their laptop to the beach and I have seen them talking on their cell phones while taking a hike. They allow themselves to work "1 or 2 hours" a day. If you aren't fully disconnected from your work, you aren't allowing yourself to truly replenish. A semi vacation isn't the real vacation your body needs.

How do you avoid that? The 12 Step Rule.

Take 12 steps away from your computer, blackberry, iPhone. If you can't take the 12 steps away from your computer for two days...you may be addicted to the over stimulation it represents.Take a real break for two days a month.

-It's Nap Time


"After the going's been tough the tough get horizontal." If you are like most Americans you have a sleep debt. Take some vacation time to catch up on your zzzzzz's. Studies show that lack of sleep is a huge stressor for your body. It feels luxurious to nap when your body asks for sleep.

-People First


Is spending time with friend pretty much the last thing on your To Do list? Now is the time to see how much richer and fuller your life is with the folks you enjoy. Potlucks, bike rides, hikes there may even be free concerts or gallery events in your town.

-Get International


If you can't leave town, find the international flavor where you live. This is one of my personal favorites! Eat a type of food you've never eaten before. Indonesian (my friend Annette and I had no clue of what we had ordered), Bulgarian, Ethiopian and Hungarian are some of the offerings in Los Angeles. Regardless of the city, I bet there is a sort of food experience that would be adventurous.

If you really want to feel like you have left town, go to a foreign market. I ventured into Asian warehouse market in a neighborhood called Little Saigon. It was like taking a trip to the Far East. I walked down entire grocery aisles of unknown foods, fruits and frozen treats. I brought home melons, pink rice like concoctions and Happy Bo coconut cookies. Yum!

-Dive Into Difference


Whatever your weekend rituals, break them. Do something different. (Always a mega stress buster.) If you take a walk in the forest, go somewhere else. Let the new location surprise you. I did this and went for my walk on a different beach. A family of dolphins "welcomed me." I walked along side them as they swam south for almost 45 minutes. Then I dove in to swim with them.

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eli-davidson/7-tips-to-turn-your-long_b_277999.html

Wait!!! There Are More!!! 12 More Top Twitter Tools!

Like all things Twitter there was waaayyyyyyy too much information!

1. Monitter – Track what people are saying on Twitter about up to three specific keywords
2. Summize – Twitter search
3. LiveTwitting – Cover conferences and meetings using Twitter
4. Timer – Get reminders through Twitter
5. Twistori – Great aggregator for finding specific sentiments on Twitter
6. Twitter Weather Map – Track weather on a map mashup
7. EmailTwitter – Skip twitter and text messages and use email to send and follow tweets
8. Twitter Tools – Integrate Twitter into WordPress
9. 24 o’clocks – Follow a user’s tweets, broken down by hour
10. MrTweet – Find out which Twitter users you should be folowing
11. TweetWheel – Find out which of your followers know each other
12. Twitter Friends Network Browser – Visualize any Twitter user’s network

12 Top Twitter Tools

As a speaker and executive coach, I am finding that twitter allows me to stay in touch on the go. I was a huge Anti-Twitter Protester. However, the gracious help of the Twitter community is changing that.

I am testing Polldaddy, Timer and LiveTweet. Let me know what you think

Here are some helpful applications from Alex del Horno

1. TwitterLocal – Find Twitter users near a specific location
2. Polldaddy – Conduct a poll through Twitter
3. Twellow – Search just the tweets of your friends and followers
4. Commuter Feed – Follow or post traffic updates in your area
5. TweetVolume – Search for and compare popular topics on Twitter
6. Twitterfountain – Twitter/Flickr mashup that shows tweets and photos of a given keyword simultaneously
7. TweetBurner – Track the links you share on Twitter
8. Tweetwire – Follow the news through the eyes of Twitter users
9. TwitterFox – Firefox extension for following tweets
10. TwitThis – Buttons and bookmarklets that allow users to send links to your content over Twitter
11. TweetScan – Twitter keyword search
12. Twittervision – See recent tweets on a map

7 Tips To Turn Your Long Weekend Into A Staycation

"Are you an alien freak?" were the words that welcomed me into the first day of my "vacation." Those words didn't cling to the thumping party air as I danced into the wee hours on a costumed cruise or discotheque in Ibiza.

Nope.


They were the spiky greeting from the TV producer in charge of the shoot. (Confirmation that my iPhone makes me sound like I am visiting from Pluto in certain areas.) Instead of taking a week to commune with nature I had journeyed into the unknown territory of Orange County to shoot a TV pilot called "Life Changers."

Vacations Are For Wimps
I was not alone in working through my time off. Almost 50 percent of small business owners take only major holidays off or take no vacation at all, according to a study by Big Research that surveyed 520 small-business owners. Kari Henley wrote a great post on why Americans are the worst vacationers. A study conducted in 2006 by the Department of Labor confirmed that workers get five days of paid leave after one year of service. Twenty three percent of Americans get no paid vacation. None. Recent studies show that due to fear of job loss even fewer Americans are taking any time off.

Burnt To A Crisp
There are numerous well-known studies that track how vacations keep us both mentally and physically healthy. The 1992 Framingham Heart Study conducted by Boston University showed that not taking vacations was particularly risky for women. It was a significant risk factor that contributed to heart disease. Vacations have have been shown to cure burnout which is the final stage of chronic stress. Humans need time away from stressors. That time away helps to replenish emotional resources. Taking a break leads to sense of mastery and optimism as well better job performance. "Studies have also shown that time off increases positive mood, a sense of initiative, competence, and that the more leisure activities you're involved in the higher your life satisfaction" say life balance expert, Joe Robinson.

I would love to wave my magic wand and give each and every one of us a month in the county, Perhaps if I really were an alien freak I could use my extraterrestrial powers and have all of America join in a playful recess for the month of August. Hmm. That doesn't seem too likely.


"Staycation" Nation
As I wave good-bye to summer, I realize how very precious and restorative a vacation is. So I decided to make my weekend into a "staycation". If you aren't taking a one, two or three week vacation, it is essential that you give yourself a weekend "staycation" at least once a quarter.


Here are a few tips from my weekend "staycation". I can't wait to hear yours!


1. Take A Vacation....From Your PDA
One of the fastest ways to unwind is to take a vacation from your PDA. As a culture we are accustomed to being "wired" all day every day. I put the phone in a kitchen drawer.

2. Is Your Name Martha?
Unless your name is Martha Stewart and you just love, love, love to organize drawers do not turn your "staycation" into a chore and errand festival. (I had a client whose hobby was ironing -so I know that those folks are out there!) If you know that you are more relaxed with a tidy home take the weekend before your weekend "staycation" to clean.

8 Ways To Lower Stress

In my coaching practice I am seeing more and more burnout.

Our bodies do give us messages, sometimes early warning signs. How can we read them? Here are some suggestions for you to consider: These are utterly terrific tips from fellow Huffington Post blogger, Anne Naylor. http://web.mac.com/annenaylor/iWeb/Anne%20Naylor/Welcome.html. It was so darn good, I had to share it with you.

1. Stop The Stress

Go to a quiet place where you are undisturbed. It could be a place in nature; a room in your home which is peaceful for you; a walk by a river, an art gallery, a church building. Find somewhere you can switch off the busy-ness of the day and simply be with yourself.

2. Breathe Into The Condition

To slow down further, take in a few deep breaths. Breathe the spirit of wellness into your dis-ease or whatever it is that is causing you discomfort. Expand out of and beyond the tightness and tension, the issues that are painful for you. Leave them behind with your out breaths. Allow yourself to feel the peace within you.

3. Be Quiet - And Listen

What is your condition telling you about your life and the way you are living? Are you taking care of yourself in the best ways, or do you need to be doing things differently? What are you yearning for that you are not allowing into your life? What might you be resisting? What could you let go of that has been troubling you?

4. Dialogue With Your Condition... ... in writing.

This simple technique can go deeper for you. Be willing to not know and not have the answers. Not knowing seems to open the door to the understanding and information you need. Strange how this seems to work, but in my experience it does. Be open to the knowledge that you have within you.

Get a pad of paper and a ballpoint pen. Write your name on the left hand side and open your dialogue. Call your condition by a name that has a positive note - for example: Courageous Friend. Write it down and let it speak to you.

Allow yourself to write spontaneously. Ask whatever you want. Be aware of the insights that can promote your healing.

5. Free Yourself ..

.. forgive the judgments - guilt, resentment, blame, shame, anger. Judgments cast a shadow over the spirit within you that can promote your healing.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
Philip Yancey

6. Allow Time...

... for your healing to take place. In this time, nurture yourself and do what it takes to nourish the spirit in you towards your greater health. Be open to the resources that can assist you. Learn to love yourself, unconditionally. Take time to simply rest.

7. Express Thanks...... for the lessons learned and the healing that occurs.

"All complete healing is activated through love and gratitude."
Dr John Demartini

8. Celebrate The New You!

Let others witness and learn from you and your process. Share more of your spirit that one other might find inspiration and encouragement on their journey. Have a party. The spirit in you is characterized by joy. Joy is contagious - a sign of good health.

"We are all in the same boat and if we start learning from each other and sharing what we have learned with others, perhaps we can get to where we are going faster."
Anonymous

Do you have an inspiring story to tell about a healing process you have experienced? What did you learn? How was your life amplified through a health crisis? You never know when your story might spark an ember of courage in someone who could really benefit by it.

Create Your Own Success

Are you creating the results you want?

Get an insurance policy on meeting your goals with Eli Davidson and Authentic Success Group Coaching!

Next group call starts on September 14. Call 323-9930-2503 for more details or email Eli at coaching@elidavidson.com

Take advantage of this opportunity to work personally with Eli in our three month “JUMPSTART! Group Coaching Program.”

You’ve probably read about Eli and her Group Coaching Program in Kiplinger’s Personal Finance Magazine, the October 2008 issue. If you haven’t read the success story about Eli and her client, click HERE!

Turning Panic Into Happiness

A few days ago I was speaking for an association which is being decimated by outsourcing. Many in the audience had been in Fortune 100 companies for more than 20 years. They were being let go, and their jobs were being taken up in India.

The air was thick with a silent panic of those that wonder how they can reinvent their lives. It is impossible to make a wise decision when you are in panic. It's terror that blinds a person to the infinite possibilities that surround them. I wish that we could pass these incredible tools to each and every human being.

Turning your panic into happiness:

1. Become aware of the panic. Seeing it for what it is without judgment, that it is neither good or bad.

2. Shift your focus away from Yes Sir or Get Out. Normally, when we are panicked, our breathing is shallow and rapid. To help you shift the focus you can bring your breathing down to the belly, away from the panic. Soft belly breathing: breathing deeply all the way in and out, then relaxing and breathing in again slowly, with a soft and relaxed belly.

3. Develop love and compassion by becoming a friend to yourself. Then you can understand that others panic, that every person in every moment, every breath, every thought, every movement, is is looking for happiness - we are no different, we all want the same, we are all part of the big family.